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Saturday, January 24, 2009

Tougher but Nothing

"Would you be my girl?" or "Would you be mine?" is the hardest question for me to answer. It's more tough that other question in final examination. I'm not that type of girl who desperate to find a couple. It's not easy for me to make a decision either to accept or reject the "propose". I'm the one who will think about it serious and choose based on the "research" I've do. Get to know well the person and from there I'll judge what type of person he is. I am easy to admire people but I'm the one who hard to falling in love. I mean it when I say "I love you" but don't get me wrong when I called my friends "sayang" or some other nick which sounds manja. It's just a nick. No any other meaning pon. I do love them but only as a friends.

Mama always said that I'm not a loving person. Yes, she's right. I am not a loving person to someone who not deserve to get my love. Plus, the feeling will not there if his/her don't deserve to get it right?

To accept someone to be my special takes quite long time. Honestly, I might gave the answer after 1 month or maybe more from the date of proposed. Willing to wait? Up to you. I know 1 month is too long for the only answer "I would like to" or "I do." Bukan nak jawapan kahwin pon kan? I just need a time to think properly, is the decision I've made good for both or not. I need to think about other party feeling. Serious relationship is between me and the partner so that I can't be too selfish by ignore other people feeling. I have to think "Will i confess to my friends I am with that person now?" "Will I introduce that person as my special to my friends?" "Can I being honest in everysingle things about me to my partner?" Maybe some of you will say that it is a simple thing but for me, It's the biggest thing I have to handle when I'm in love. If the answer for all question is NO, It's better to be not more than a friend. If YES, then "I do." If I keep my mouth shut when someone asked me "would you be mine?" it's not because I wanna avoid the question. I need time and I don't think this kind of question can be answered within 5 second.

Yes! It's tough but nothing. It's only about making a love but to get it we have to try hard. My feeling say yes but kinda afraid to tell people that I'm taken by someone. 1 of the reason, maybe afraid if people around say no to the relationship. Kind of "cinta terlarang" kot. Except if both willing to keep it as a secret maybe there is no problem. Sometimes I think, why we need friends approvals when we wanna be with someone. The answer is as a human we cannot face any burden by ourself. Friends are needed. But it doesn't mean if the friends say no, you cannot have any relationship with the person you love. Just go with the flow. Think the best for our own good.