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Thursday, July 3, 2008

Are you my Dad?

"Untuk Aisyah yg disayangi, ayah dah beli lap-top untuk Aisyah tpi Aisyah tak dtg untuk ambilnya. Aisyah tak sukakan ayah agaknya. Kalau dah begitu sikap Aisyah tak apalah. Ayah tak akan paksa Aisyah supaya suka atau sayang terhadap ayah. tapi ayah akan selalu doakan aisyah berjaya dan maju dalam hidup- AYAH"

"Terima kasih untuk doa tersebut. Bye - AISYAH"

Got text from ayah yesterday morning. He talk bout laptop. He's actually buy a new laptop for me. I dont know why he treat me so nice. I just reply his text simple. Yes! i am. I never like him as my father. I never accept him in my life. Eventough i got this touched message from him. But my heart still cant accept everything that he have done. Laptop cant pay anything. Honestly, I dont have any space in my heart for him. I know it sounds cruel. And you will say i am "anak derhaka" but, all these day, im the one who trough my life. Not you. What happen to me does not happen to you. All this pain, i got from him. 18 years i live without love from a father. Without care from a father. Without any responsible from a father. I live with NO FATHER. So, did i should accept him like nohing happen to me? All these days, did he care bout myself. health, school, money. Did he care bout that? He never give me money since he divorce with my mum. Did he say thanks to mama because for all her sacrifice? He just say that i have a very bad mom in the world. Did he a very good father in this planet?
Yeap, i dont wanna meet him because i hate him very much. And i cant add more pain anymore. I've promised to myself, i would never meet him anymore. I know he is my dad. 18 years before, he never care about me. He pretend like all this days he never have a daughter name Siti Aisyah Abdullah. He never try to be nice with me. He never care bout my education. He never care bout my meal or other things i need. I dont know where is his responsibility. I live with mama's love. She is my mom. And she is also my dad.
Yea, when i was kid. i always think why i dont have a father like my friends. Their father will took them to playground, play ball, riding motorcycle around the neighbourhood. But me, just sitting at home, waiting for my mom from work. I never get love from my father even once. See? i have a father that still alive until now, but i never meet him until im 14 years old and now he suddenly come to my life again. Can somebody tell me what kind of dad is that? He know, he still have a daughter that he must take care. I am his responsible. Not mama.
I dont know what is in his mind. After all that he done, he still want me to meet him? Sorry. Everything happen to me is damn hurt. i keep all this since i was small. I dont need his money, I dont need his property. Im not materialistic. Money, property doesn't promise me anything. money cant buy a love from a father. Property cant buy my heart. im totally lost hope to you Ayah. All have you give is just hurt.
Im so sad why this thing happen to me. Yes, im crying right now. I never asked to live in this world. I never asked to be your daughter. I never asked anything from you. But, i wanna make a wish now. Please, leave from my life. From my family. We both didn't need you here. You just add our pain by remembering back what have you done to us before. Im not to young to think bout it ayah. Im sorry. I cant accept anything from you. I wont eat your money. I wont sacrifice anything for you now. Everything i do in this world, is for mama. Woman who had raised me until now. Be by my side when im sick, when im sad. Mad at me whan im doing something wrong. Teach me this and that. I already have a perfect life with a perfect mom now. Im sorry to say this ayah. But, you must know. Everything happened too long. I am a big gurl now. I can think by myself what right and what's wrong. Mama teach me everyting bout life. And i wana be as tough as her to trough this life without you.
Tq for the laptop anyway. But Dont expect that im gonna use it. i dont wana feel "terhutang budi" to you. Tq again.

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